I think this would help SOME of you guys to have some respect for yourself and your sexual needs.
Chapter 10 of:
Complete Idiots Guid to Amaizing Sex
by Sari Locker
ISDN: 0-02-862902-7
Chapter 10
Master of Your Domain
In This chapter:
- Understand why people masturbate
- Find out if there is such a thing as masturbating too much
- Learn ways people masturbate
- Get in touch with your body
Masturbation. The ominous word that so many people are afraid to mention, because if they say
it, it might mean that they admit they are actually doing it. Too often, pleasuring oneself is
shrouded in secrecy, shame, and guilt.
When most people are young, they're incorrectly told that masturbation is unhealthy and they
shouldn't be doing it. Did you believe that masturbation would make you blind, or grow hair on
your palms, or give you pimples? Somewhere along the way, you figured out that those myths
were ridiculous, but you probably still felt a lot of guilt and shame about what you were doing
under the covers or in the bathroom. Even if you never got caught, you probably had an innate
sense that you shouldn't be doing it. Maybe it's because nobody talked about it, or maybe it just
felt too good. But the truth is, it is totally healthy, natural and normal, and you can't get in
trouble for doing it. Yeah, sure Pee Wee Herman and George Michael got busted for it. But that
was only because they were doing it in public places. What you do in the privacy of your own home
(or very discretely in public) isn't subject to the Genital Police.
If you're going to get anything out of this chapter, you have to get rid of those nagging
feelings that tell you that masturbation is something you need to feel guilty about.
I'm
telling you once and for all that touching yourself is the most natural thing in the world.
Cast aside those images of lonely women and horny teenage boys. Masturbation is for all
of us: young, old, married, single, happy, or sad. Masturbation is sex with someone you
love. Feel pride in self-pleasure. Don't be afraid to mention the word anymore. Say this
out loud: “I love masturbation.” That's right, say it right now, loud and strong. There is no
need to feel ashamed!
If you start feeling good about the fact that you masturbate, then maybe you can even
influence the people in your life to think the same way. You can encourage your lover to
feel more comfortable with masturbation. Then the two of you can talk about how you can
use what you've learned from your self-pleasuring to enhance your sex life together. In
addition, you may be able to start talking openly with your friends about it. You could
even have a contest with your friends a la the Seinfeld folks. But instead of betting on who
can go the longest without masturbating, wouldn't it be fun to see who could do it the most
or in the most creative way?
Mmmmm Is for Masturbation
People sometimes want to disguise the fact that they are actually talking about it, so many
silly nicknames for masturbation have been developed. Here are some of my favorites:
Spanking the Monkey
Choking the Chicken
Diddling Yourself
Walking the Dog
Whacking Off
Doing the Five-Finger Shuffle
Jerking Off
Flying Solo
Jacking Off
Beating Your Meat
Jilling Off
Pulling Your Pud
Getting Yourself Off
Playing the Skin Flute
Playing with Yourself
Playing Pocket Pool
Whatever you call it, it can only mean one thing. And, as Martha Stewart would say, “It's
a good thing.”
Health Benefits of Masturbation
“Flying solo” is not just about what you do when you “need to get off.” People masturbate for
all kinds of reasons. The most basic reason for people to masturbate is simply because they
want to have an orgasm. But in fact, masturbation has benefits beyond just feeling good. These
include:
• Relieving all types of stress, as well as sexual frustration.
• Teaching you how you most easily orgasm, so when you are with a partner, you know what works best for you.
• Giving you a sexual outlet if you are single.
• Relieving menstrual cramps in some women.
• Giving you something to do if you're alone and you get turned on, or even if you're just bored.
• Giving you pleasure whenever you want it.
Who Does It and How Much?
Because so many people are taught that masturbation is wrong, they may wonder if they are
masturbating too much. The fact is, it's not easy to masturbate “too much.”
Unless you've locked yourself in your room, can't make it to work, turn all visitors
away, and basically don't have time for anyone or anything but masturbating, then
you don't have to worry about it. You might have an intense drive to masturbate,
and maybe you're doing it every day, or even more than once a day, and that's
fine. As long as it doesn't interfere with your life, enjoy it! Similarly, if you only
like masturbating on rare occasions, that's fine, too. Whatever works for you is
healthy—as long as you don't feel guilty about it!
Although the general consensus seems to be that men masturbate a lot more than
women do, that might not actually be true. There is some difference in men and
women's masturbatory habits, but it's not that great. Recent sex research has found
that 85 percent of women masturbate, while closer to 99 percent of men
masturbate. One reason why men are thought to masturbate more then women is
because it somehow seems more obvious for them to do it. Their penis is just
hanging out right in front of them, an arm's reach away. But for women who love
pleasure, it's just as obvious to them that masturbation feels great.
Both married and single people masturbate. If you're single, and totally without a
partner, then masturbation might be perfect for you. When a fling isn't your thing
and a one night stand isn't your style, then masturbation may become your
primary sexual outlet. It can keep you sexual during your dry spell.
Some people masturbate just as much if they are in a relationship or married. If
people in relationships masturbate, it doesn't mean that their partners do not turn
them on. It may just mean that they still like getting turned on by themselves, or
that they have a higher sex drive than their partner and they just need a little
something to supplement their sex life. Or they could be tired and just not want
the pressure of performance involved in sex with their lover. So it's just easier to
take care of themselves. Some people feel jealous or threatened if they find out
that their partner is masturbating, but they shouldn't feel that way. If this upsets
you, then you need to find a way to accept it. You partner still wants you—he or
she just wants to self-pleasure, too. The only time you should worry about your
partner's masturbating is if he or she will never have sex with you because he or
she prefers to masturbate. If that is the case, then you should see a sex therapist to
not just treat your sexual problem, but also to help you deal with your relationship
problems.
Different Strokes for Different Folks
Whether you are married, single, young, or old, the following section may or may not offer you
some familiar information about ways people masturbate. If you know your body well, you
probably already know that there are many different methods of masturbation. Maybe you've
tried some—or all—of them. If you haven't, you can begin now. Read on and hopefully
something will pique your interest. Who knows—you might end up trying it before you get to
the end of this chapter.
Ask 99 men their favorite masturbation style and you'll probably get 99 different answers.
Some men start by thinking up a fantasy, checking out pictures in porn magazines, watching an
X-rated flick, chatting sexy online, or calling phone sex, then they let their fingers do the
walking. Some men like to lube up with something like K-Y, Astroglide or baby oil to reduce
friction and to increase sensation, but some like to masturbate dry. Once he gets going, he'll be
focusing on creating fabulous sensations in his genitals. While the old saying “different strokes
for different folks” is certainly appropriate to a discussion of masturbation, there are some
common ways that people masturbate. Here are some tried and true favorite ways that men
masturbate:
• Giving his penis a good old rub down, using a back and forth motion from the base to the head. Some prefer to emphasize the “downstroke,” the head to the base.
• Concentrating stimulation directly on the head of his penis, perhaps using one hand just on the head, and one going up and down the shaft.
• Using one hand to press down on the base of his penis and using the other to go up and down on the shaft.
• Doubling his pleasure by gently stroking, tugging, massaging, or holding on his scrotum and testicles at the same time he is working his penis.
• Stimulating his nipples, butt, anus, or stroking anywhere on his body from his chest to his thighs to add to his pleasure.
Generally, his orgasm comes from penile stimulation with just the right amount of pressure in
the places that feel the best, as well as the steady rhythm. While the vast majority of men
masturbate by rubbing their penis with their hands, there are some men who prefer to rub up
against their mattress or some other object without using their hand directly. This “look Ma, no
hands” approach is a normal and a perfectly fine alternative.
No matter how he gets there, most of the time, the outcome of masturbation is orgasm and
ejaculation for a man. But then he has to deal with that sticky subject—where to ejaculate.
Some men prefer to masturbate in the shower, so they don't have to deal with any sticky
situations. If they are naked in bed, some men ejaculate on their own bodies or into the sheets.
Wherever they are, some prefer to have tissues, a towel, or dirty clothes nearby to ejaculate
into. It's all a matter of personal hygiene…and timing.
When it comes to female masturbation, women, like men, often start off by creating a fantasy,
or by getting turned on to the images in pornography or erotica. Once they get into it, for most
women, the clit is it. Here are some ways that women rev their engines through masturbation:
• Rubbing her clitoris directly with her finger, fingers, or even her whole hand.
• Rubbing her clitoris indirectly, by rubbing on or pulling at the skin above and around her clitoris, such as her clitoral hood and labia.
• Rubbing her clitoris up against an object, a pillow, or mattress.
• Rubbing her legs tightly together while she is still wearing clothes for extra friction.
• Using a vibrator on her clitoris for that special buzz.
• Spraying water on or allowing a shower stream to run over her clitoris. That's what the massage setting is for!
• Penetrating her vagina with her finger or fingers, or with a dildo or vibrator. This is often done at the same time as clitoral stimulation.
• Stimulating her nipples, breasts, inner thighs, buttocks, anus, or anywhere on her body.
Hands-On Experience
Would you ever decide to only have intercourse one way, in the same position for
the rest of your life? I highly doubt it! To get the most out of your sex life, you
should learn how to get the most out of your solo sex life. To do this, start
experimenting with variations so you have a rich, fulfilling, varied masturbatory
sex life.
Start by touching yourself when you want to feel good, any time of the day, in
any position, using any sort of stimulation. Masturbation does not just have to be
something you do to get off. You can masturbate just for fun and adventure.
Try masturbating in all different positions and all different ways. You can do it:
• In every room of your house and in the backyard.
• Sitting, standing, or squatting.
• Fully clothed with everything on, even socks and shoes, and your glasses!
• In the bath or in the shower.
• With the lights on.
• While you are reading erotica or looking at porn pictures.
• While you are watching in a mirror.
• While you are watching the clock and timing yourself.
• While you are watching television or a video (something sexy, or for variation, something not at all sexy).
• While you are talking on the phone (either phone sex or just a regular conversation).
• While you are in a car, on a bus, on an airplane, or a train—only if no one else
would notice! (This is often easier for women!)
To Get the full chapter or even the whole book, don't hesitate just ask
Have a nice LONELY DAY!
